Mon Coeur

bad news

2011-08-24T07:13:00.000-07:00

bad news? well..hell yeah!
in the morning juz get the news that start from tomorrow i will get another roommate. so my room will b 3 persons instead of 2. n this girl is pure indonesian, hope tat she wont bring any probs. besides quite afraid tat she's a les, since her big sis is..=s
then heard that bro will b unemployed by next month which will b next week.
then, heard oso that the sch i want to go in GZ is applying vy strict school rules like for small kids tat tell u which time to study n which time to sleep. its totally nt convinient, bt its cheap! n i need those cheap fees.
last, i juz know that shen is in relationship with a girl frm grc. n its totally disappointed me. well, at least if u really in relationship with tat girl, y u din tell me at all about it? such cheap for a gud fren??y u still like flirting wif me? happy to give me d wrong hope? i tot tht he likes me..n knowing all these facts make me totally disappointed!! make me jealous!!
today's news reli make me wanna cry n angry at the same time, bt wht else can i do?
well at least i got 1 gud news, finally ylis n kakek bcome couple after almost 4 years of chasing her..*hope tat i can get such a gud man like him oso, still trying to chase me even thought it might be impossible, even thought it will take u such a long time..bt it will mean love*

summer holidays!!

2011-08-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

its summer timeeee~~~!!! =)
i got 2 months holidays here, bt i din go back to indonesia, coz rather than use the money to buy the tickets, its better for me to go traveling. so i went to guangzhou, macau, hongkong, shenzhen n quanzhou. quite lots of places, huh?? hehhee..=p
spending 10 days with my frens n then meet up mom, granddad n aunty in HK again, spending another 10 days with them..hehehe..
well..the most sure one from this holiday is...i spent lots of $$...>.<
bt its worth the pleasure though..maybe wanna go bk again to hk by the end of this year *hope hv the money* tat's y now im trying not to spend any much money, not buy any things, juz for living..hehehe..
this holidays r finishing soon..hopefully i can do my next semester even better coz i reli want to learn lots of things..=)

Kesusahan sehari cukuplah untuk sehari

2011-05-29T08:56:00.001-07:00

29 May 29, 2011. Matius 6:34c. mungkin Bapa tau kalo bbrp hari ini ak sering memikirkan soal masalah ini, masalah itu, soal masa depan aku, soal urusan kluarga d indo, dll. Ak baru ‘ngeh’ klo Bapa mau bilang ‘jgn kuatir anakKu’ barusaaan bgt.
Ak lagi baca2 buku ‘Tuhan mengapa aku harus ke China’ karangan Grace Suryani yg ak pinjem dari Anita. Bs dibilang buku itu bnr2 kasih ak inspirasi bgt ttg kehidupan ak d china. Dan barusan ak baca ttg perumpamaan pohon. Sama kaya perumpamaan di Alkitab, dmn dibilang klo burung dan bunga di lading aja diplihara Tuhan, apalagi manusia. Mau itu semut ato pohon toge sekalipun pasti dipeliharaNya. Jadi ngapain aku harus khawatir? Begitu selesai baca bab buku yg itu, ak lgs ‘ngeh’ klo Bapa lagi mu blg k aku, gk usah khawatir. Dari kmrn pas komsel juga Bapa dah bilang gak usah khawatir melalui bbrp kesaksian tmn2 yg laen. Trs pas tadi pagi kebaktian juga, yang sangat aneh nya, aku bisa ngerti si pengkhotbah bilang apa. Makasih banget Bapa….=)) krn ak minta pengertian dari Nya supaya aku bs tau apa yg mau Dia omongin k aku. Ya memang gak bener2 ngerti sih, tp secara garis besar ngerti lah..hehehe…
Well, jadi intinya, Bapa dah bilang 3x k aku, nyuruh aku gak usah khawatir. Kesusahan sehari cukuplah untuk sehari aja. Klo emang ada yg dipikirin, serahin aja smuanya k tangan Dia. Pasti aman!! Carilah dahulu kerajaan Allah, maka smua itu akan dilimpahkan kepadamu. Percaya aja sama Dia, pasti Dia akan bertindak (ya tapi gak berarti bs berleha2 juga sih…tetep aja hrs do d best..=p)

Prayer meeting

2011-05-29T08:55:00.002-07:00

28 May 2011. It was my first prayer meeting here in china. I admitted that I reli need it. I dun understand wht the pastor say in church coz its all in mandarin. So it was so grateful to have a prayer meeting in INDONESIAN!! It wasn’t like any prayer meeting I had attended before, I could say that it is a small service n not a prayer meeting. But however, I totally enjoyed it.
Like any other prayer meeting, we were asked whether we have something to share or not during the week. Well, actually I have lots!!! Bt I dunno why, my mouth was like being locked. Maybe bcoz it was my first n im nt feel fit yet with the people there, even though they are so warm. Actually I wanted to say about how God help me during d MKI event. How I actually was chosen to sing solo bcoz I asked God if He believe I can do it, the please choose me. Then I also asked Him to make me not being snobbish bcoz they chose me, so He make my voice nt as gud as usual I sing during d performance. How He gave me the chance to have my own time with Him when I was so depressed n how He heal me during that moment. How He still take care of my mom n bro even though we are so far away n how He taking care of me here. How He give me some activities with my friends when I need it to make my mind occupied n not thinkin abt any other things. N so many other small things when in the end I can say ‘How great is my God..how great is our God!’
I hope I will always can n want to go to that prayer meeting (since its quite far in tiring to go there). Not for any other motivation, bt only to meet Daddy n enjoy the moment with Him. I know I’ve been thinking about some love relationship that im reli longing for. But everything is better in His time, not mine. I just wish that He give me enough patient till that time n if during the time before it I might find someone that I have crush with, if he is not who He chose, I hope I can just not have so much pain.

What’s wrong with me?

2011-05-29T08:55:00.001-07:00

I reli dunno wht’s wrong with me these few days. I thought I was so nervous n stress bcoz of the MKI event. Bt it seemed tat its nt bcoz of it. Without realizing it, im really under pressure now. Maybe I think too much about little things, bt seriously, all of these make me crazy. Maybe I think too much about my life here, about the study, about the money that I should save, about the friends around me ( tat I realize we will b separated in 1 month when we r juz getting closer). Maybe I think too much about mom n k2 oso. About how stress they work n im here enjoying my life. About mom always working hard to save money to buy our house. About k2 who r under his working pressure. Can I say tat I feel so useless!! I want to help them out, be with them. But here I am, in china. N I can still thinkin to take further study, trying to get some scholarship while they all r working so hard to buy the house. Should I juz find a job after this language class finished? To repay the money I had used to do my major? My frend said “she is ur relatives, isn’t she? So no need to worry rite?”. I almost cried whn I heard tat!! I thought so at first, bt it all changed whn mom told me abt wht happened, abt wht she said rudely to mom about it.
Dad, im truly sorry for wht im doing now, worrying about my future when I know tat U will handle everything. Bt I reli want to cry, at least to make me feel ease a lil. I dunno who I can trust to talk to here. Last time I had grace. Now, who? I tried to chatt wif her, bt she never reply, maybe she was too busy. I wanted to talk abt it to my roommate, bt she is having her own prob now n by telling her abt mine, will juz burden her even more. I wanted to talk to someone tat can tell me tat everything will b allrite, someone tat spirited enough to talk abt U, Dad. Someone tat I feel I can talk freely about all the things, not only about my prob, bt also about Ur grace in my life. I was thinkin to talk to nat. Bt I dunno whtr my decision is rite or nt. Coz im afraid tat I might end up having crush with him which I think I am now. Well, at least not to make it bigger like wht I did last time to vin. So today, finally I could cry. Ghae was sleeping, so I was crying n talking with Dad. Bt it wasn’t enough coz c emil n anita came, n I dun want them to know wht happnd. Actually ghae was asking about my fb stats, bt I din tell her d truth..n for my YM stats, I was using French, so I dun afraid tat someone would understand abt it. Dad, am I wrong If I asked for someone who can always b my side to help me? I mean, someone tat can tell wht U want me to know or learn or whatever things. Or please make me stronger with everything I face now. Help me to listen what U want from me, coz U know tat im so fragile inside. Please always hold me tight. Please hug me all d time, coz U r the only one I tat I can trust n lean on….

MKI 2011

2011-05-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

It was 21st of may 2011 n we’ve been practicing for this event for around 2 months. It was a great success after all, even thought we might have some mistakes here n there, bt I can say tat it was great!!! All d people come to see our performances till thr is no more space to sit n even to breath. The room was so hot coz too many people inside n u couldn’t feel the air-cond.
We all cried in d end. N me too. I promised Dad that these performances were for Him n for Indonesia. I told Him tat we all have lots of flaws here n there, bt in the end He made it a great success!!!
other than that, I felt so sad coz there wont b any time spend together again with them. Feel so emo-ing. I really treasured all these experiences. N I thank Dad for everything =))

22nd bday!!

2011-05-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

Another year has passed, n I’m 22 now.
I thank God for giving me another year and some great friends around me here since im so far away from my family.
In the morning, my Indonesian friends from the same uni juz came to my room to congratulate me. But..they also asked me to wear sign on my head n body saying that tat day was my bday, n you can bully me without need to afraid tat I will b angry. So, I wore tat sign since morning till finish my lunch. N everybody on the streets looked at me like I was something from another space (since in china I dun think they have this kind of ‘tradition’ for someone bday). Some of the people was shouting abt wht the sign is saying, some of them juz wanted to take pic wif me…well, I became a popular person for a day..=p
ohh, one more thing, zong he laoshi incidentally brought a mousse cake on tat day, so we pretend tat it was my bday cake..Xp
In the evening, it was d second rehearsal day for MKI 2011. It’s a cultural show for Indonesian students here, and it was hold in another uni. And for this event, they asked me to sing ‘tanah airku’ as the opening ceremony song. So, it was the end of the day, then the head of this event asked me to sing this song again..well, I din do quite well during d rehearsal, so I thought why not?
but when I sang the song, suddenly the lights was off, and my frens from my uni n tat uni came out with a cake n sang d bday song..it was totally a blast bday!!!
Last bt not least, shen called to say happy bday as d last person to congratulate me…haha..tat was sweet shen..=D

2011-05-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

its almost 3 months here in guilin...
time reli does fly so fast, n somehow i dun feel like i make any progress...i still feel so useless n stupid, do i? well, only some of my frens said tat i make any progress, bt i dun think its gud enuf, i still hv to do more.
a bit by a bit its been a burden for me, n maybe someday it will explode. nt only abt this study, but abt my r'shp wif my frens here, abt my fam, n other things r queuing inside my mind. *Sigh* i juz wish tat i can always put a smile each n every time no matter wht happen. i dun want to listen anymore abt ppl saying "why everytime i see u, u always looked sad or sick?" or "every time i see u, u dun feel happy, n its make me feel not happy too" whn the truth is im okay....n tat's it!
i always want to make ppl happy..so i wish i can always smile for them, even though maybe im nt..

other than tat, i wanna thank God that He still gv me the chance to do duet in d coming indonesia's event n solo for the opening ceremony. well, i reli hope tat i can do it well, since some govmt ppl from beijing n GZ will come as well. i reli hope tat this event will work out. n i thank God for Him introduce me to them so i can go to church whr i fit in n can still contact wif those ppl even though the event is going to over soon...=))

well..my b'day is coming soon..i hope i will hv a blast on my bday, an unforgettable moments one, not only from my frens here in li gong, but also from shi da, n my old frens...=p

i've been found out...=p

2011-03-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

today i went to the other university for the culture night show practice.
during the practice time, i dunno why almost all my friends were talking seriously with the coordinator of this show. i thought it was just about the show, but actually they were talking about life.
so i found out that that guy can see your behaviour n future juz by seing ur signature n face. that's why all d girls were there n asking about *of course* love.
i got the chance too...=p
n he was really good in doing this stuff. he said that i like to share my prob not only with one person but some friends coz i want to see their opinion about it but it will make me even more confuse. then he said that im interested more in scenery than shopping unless im in my stress so i hv to go out alone or at least wif one person. i like to do something new especially something that i cant do n im an adventurous person. well...that's totally true!!! i've been found out by him...lol..
i asked about my love life too...n he juz said 'no need to worry about it'. juz that without any specification!!!! =.= *sigh* well, i hope it means all d good things..=))

what a life...

2011-03-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

yesterday was d first day that vietnamese guy didnt send me any sms.
maybe he already realize what i mean all this time that i cant love him back. well, that's good. but somehow i feel something missing..=p
i admit that i really need someone that always looking for me, care for me. in here, all my friends are also asking me the same question. why you dont have any boyfriend? i wish i have one, but maybe i just havent met the right guy yet. or maybe im juz to afraid to try have one. im too afraid of what will my family say about the one i choose, since i know they are so selective about it.
i really miss my guy(s) friends in malaysia, at least if i go out with them, it will feel different rather than go out with the girls. i wish i could have one here too...=s

i think this topic will be a never ending topic. not only for me, but for other people too. last night, i saw my 2 friends were too stress about their life (about love, school n family) n they really wanted go to club juz bcoz they r too stress. but since it was too expensive, they juz went out for smoke. i know that life is hard, but i really hope that i wont do like they did...
maybe all i can do is juz like usual, being a workaholic. n that's what i do now, study everyday like nothing else i can do, and take many part in the indonesian culture night show. well, at least all of them will really occupy my brain n i wont think any other..
am i wrong by doing this?

it's been a month

2011-03-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

well it's been a month since i start my new study life in guilin, china.
the graduation day? well, its was quite rushing n couldnt take pic wif some friends..but overall it was so fun to meet them all again.

my life here now is juz so so. so far i can follow all d lessons n hv quite a nice life here wif new friends. but sometimes it was so depressing coz others cant understand wht u said or for some person, misunderstanding.

it was depressing me enough when d worker from d shop cant understand what i meant n almost cost me some money *well, luckily got a friend who helped me*. then some misunderstanding happen between me n a vietnamese guy n in the end he was angry at me. other thing was i think i hurt my mom by told her not to come this summer holiday. well, its totally nt wht i meant, coz i know she doesnt hv enough money, so its better to save it all n wait till jan next year whn i finish my lesson here.

but its totally made me wanna cry already. i feel so bad n stupid that i always ask for help. other thing is, that vietnamese guy, he said he loves me which is i think totally impossible, coz it was juz a week im here then he told me so. he doesnt even know me. n whatever way i told him that we cant be together, he doesnt care.

oh gosh...dun let it happen again...im too much thinkin abt my daily life n cant concentrate wif my study...=s
may i cry? i wish i can do it..juz to relief everything..but i cant do it till now..=x

i totally miss my old friends...somehow i wish they juz show up here in guilin..

first post in 2011

2011-01-25T19:03:00.000-08:00

Time do running so fast!!!
First off all..happy new year 2011!!
i know..i know...it's super late already..cant say tat im busy, but well..kinda forget tat i have a blog..lol..*sorry diary*

i had done my training in Golden Flower since last nov. And thank God for the wonderful moments n experiences. although i couldnt make it to spore, but He really do make things all better in time..=))

after finished the training, i went to jakarta for some church event, then continue staying at chintia's house for couple days to go out with her and valen who had came bck from US. almost couldnt make it to meet calvine, who cm bk frm spore oso coz he went to bandung *=.=* so then i stayed another nite juz to meet him *oh gosh*.
din talk much wif him, coz i reli dunno wht to say after such long time n wht happend between us. well..its passed already n i was d one who make d decision *i know its for my own sake though*

wht else then? nothing to do other than doing my private lesson almost everyday juz to prepare myself for study later.
maybe juz one or two go out -> old and new year in hawaii resort, banten (not so enjoyed it coz of mom's friend who really vy annoying n irritating) n when some reunion wif syanti, nath, chint, biyan, val n han in lembang (i gain 3kgs coz we juz eat n eat the whole day..can u imagine?? 8 kinds of foods in juz HALF day!!! now im so panic coz i cant lose d weigh...*dang*)
oh yeah..one more...went out with sunday school teachers to taman bunga nasional, cimacan. it was a great place!! loves d flowers so much. n one more thing was we all met the !nsert presenters there...woohooo!!! ^^

now its 2 weeks b4 i go to msia then cont study in chn. mom (n i) is so busy preparing all d things i shd bring there..well, hope tat's everything will b fine...=))

i quite enjoy it

2010-09-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

it's been almost 2 months since i hv my internship in my hometown.
and well...i can say that i quite enjoy it =). the people especially..they are quite fun and crazy. and i just know that i have some seniors from high-school here too.

i feel so grateful as well when i know the news from reen n vin in spore about RPT agent. they are not helpful at all!!! i just really hope that they are okay there...always.

n one more thing..i think that the plan to study in china is confirmed. i met ci lia last night and she will prepare everything for it asap!!

WOW!! i really feel so grateful to GOd!
now i just hope that i can finish this internship well, get graduated with good result next febuary and go to china in march..=))

internship

2010-07-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

i was so happy to hear that the hotel in singapore accepted me for my internship as front office agent there. more happy when i heard doreen an calvine will go there as well, at least i got some friends besides claire n sisf.

things changed when suddenly i know that my visa was rejected, i think its due to the quota limit for the foreign trainees there.

God gv me another chance, another interview at another hotel in singapore. but i was rejected again. i was so desperate, disappointed and sad. i said to God,"its not fair! why reen n calvine got the visa while im not? im the one who was accepted first!!"
but then i realize..whn i was accepted for the first time, i argue with God about my accommodation and friends there. then on the second chance, i argue with Him about the job position which is just a housekeeping coordinator.
i am sorry to God that i was not grateful enough to Him and i got the effect from it. then i thought that maybe He got other plan to me.

honestly, i am still sad till now. i cant go to spore, a place that i thought i can go and earn some money to at least lighter my mom's burden for monetary prob. im sad coz i see my bro's hope that he could go to spore to visit me and to hv a holiday also. im disappointed that i cant b in spore with him even though i know that i was rejected.
but one thing that at least make me feel that its God's plan. the news from mom that she might send me to china for further study and my grandpa also agree with this plan. so maybe, God dont want me go to spore coz i have to work for a year, while other place will just 4 months so then i can go to china next early year. one thing i concern about, money, as usual. mom said she has to buy this house before the bank took it. Oh God..i really dunno what to do now..i see her always work so hard and i really want her to just retire...

now for my internship, i wanted go to batam, so then i can still go to spore. but the process was just sooo slow, and in the other hand, a hotel in bandung offered me a good position. so in the end, i just took the one in bandung. it was quite nice hotel, but just the working time is not so nice. mon-sat, 9-5. even for today, i got OT, but i was in sales!! gosh...i really hope that i can learn lots of things here n can adapt with the people fast, coz honestly, its a bit weird..really..n i trouble my mom, bro n even his gf juz to fetch n pick me up from home-hotel-home....

God..just help me for these 4 months...>.< amen

longing for the 'one'

2010-05-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

after submission of dissertation, the other things i worry about are about my internship and my rshp with him.

i went for interview for jones the grocer, but rejected. then looked for other places in singapore coz i know i want singapore as my internship place. but no hotels were replying or replied but with no good news. luckily i was attached to RPT, an agent to help us find intern place in spore.

actually last time i din hv any intention to join this RPT since i went for interview with jones already n i thought tat i will be accepted (but in the end not), but its a gud thing that finally RPT could arrange an interview with hotels under millenium and copthorne groups.

at first, after the interview, i was told that im not accepted, but out of sudden i got email said that im accepted in orchard hotel singapore as for front office.

so, there was one more thing to be done. my feeling.

well..since first i know that it would be better for us 2 b juz friends, good friends. but still, when i finally confessed it, n he agreed to be friends, i feel sad. but i dun want to lie to my feeling tat said it would be better to be friends. it was really sad, hurts n disappointed me, but being juz gud friend with him make me feel more easy to be around him and make a joke with him..=)

well..im still longing for the right one, reli askin God to give me patience till the time..

anyway, thank u so much for cv for being my gud friend..and for the things that you said back to me...hope both of us can make it to singapore for internship 2gtr..=)

a blast 21th year birthday ^^

2010-05-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

this is my last birthday that i would celebrate together with my friends in malaysia as im finishing my degree life this year.

having my 21st birthday as the last birthday in malaysia, made me wish that it would be a very blast one n thank God that He really gave me a blast birthday moments with my friends...=)

first, a surprise came from yellis, my lovely crazy roommate and all her gangs (natali, lili, itin, evelyn, pricil)..=p

i was sleeping at that time (fyi, i slept at 11pm coz i was too tired). then as usual ylis was not at home coz she went to natalia's house. but suddenly around 12am, she woke me up all out of sudden n i reli woke up coz of surprised. then all of them brought me cupcakes as my birthday cake...*love it*

but it was not till that, they suddenly tied my hands after we ate all those cupcakes, and did some funny make up on face. not only that, but they oso brought me to the car park at level 2 and give me some mixing stuffs...>.<

second, from lu shen, melvin and fandi. we went out for dinner at college.

juz did everything like the normal college's dinner. but in the end of the service, suddenly the lights off and the server brought my b'day cake with all the other servers n guests sang happy birthday song for me...=))

third, from my lovely groupmates (calvine, chintia, biyan, nathan, syanti, johan, ellen, inggrid, valen). when i came back from the dinner, i found out that my home was lights off and all the way to my room there was a path made from candles. then on my door, there were balloons. when i opened the room, all of them r inside with the j-co donuts as my bday cake. the sweet thing was they decorated my room with candles arranged to be happy bday, balloons on the wall and on the ceiling with cards from them hung on the ribbon from the balloons. and they put a birthday greeting on my wall as well..this was totally sweet!!!!

actually more like someone wanna do a confession..=p..but if a person do something tat sweet like that, i would mostly accept that person...hahahahh...xp

fourth, from all my cell-group friends (grace, mon2, devina, icel, alicia). juz after all my groupmates went home, alicia called me n said that she was sick, so i went to her house. but suddenly she brought me to the roof top by the door inside her room, n the others were all there with candles arranged as '21' and cake....^^fifth, from SISF which i couldnt celebrate it with them since i went to perhentian island with my groupmates as our farewell trip. thank you for ibu who made a bunny pudding for me...=))

well..that's all. most of the surprise goes with candles n lights. hopefully i can be candle n light for Him in this world as my name said evelyn - light - 'let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven' matthew 5:16

i really thank God for all the things He has done n given me this far and for all my friends...love U and u all..=))

French Trip!!!

2010-04-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

Bonjour Paris!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG~~~ finally i could step my feet on the land of love a.k.a PARIS!!!!

never cross my mind before that i can go to this place..but thank GOD that finally i could do that..12-22of March 2010, i was in paris, toulouse, foix and andora with all my friends from taylors =)

i really did enjoy this trip!! having nice food, all the sceneries, the cold weather [the winter was just finished n the bloom of spring was just started =)], the people..i mean ALL!!!

but the study part for the management game was the boring part though...=p

i was practicing my french a bit there..well, at least i could communicate with the people there when purchasing something or even juz to ask direction...and im proud of it!! especially when one of the people on the market praised my french =))

in foix, i enjoyed my time with my friends..playing cards together, cook together..talked about so many things..it was really a time where i feel so close with them =). enjoyed andora oso, shopping perfume and oso played ski!!! =)

i cant say more..it was juz too much happiness when talkin about this trip..n i do really thank God for this opportunity. i hope i can go there again someday..=)

between study, frienship,n relationship

2010-02-01T08:02:00.000-08:00

i dun hv any mood to study right now...dunno why..i feel so tired. j'ai en marre!!!!

juz wanna having fun with friends..dun want to think about school stuff especially dissertation..i prefer to do more assignments or do an event again rather than doing dissertation..

thinking about school reminds me about internship tat's coming soon enough n i still hvnt got any place for it..je tres espere que je peux aller australia pour mon stage.

it reminds me again about the fact that i will b parting with my friends n it really makes me sad. it will be so hard if you want to meet them again. everything wont be the same..=s

speaking about friends, im glad that i can get along with a very long friend of mine now [since we nvr be this close b4]. having friends tat close to you is a very good thing for me. but when we hv to b apart each other will b a very sad thing. once a friend said, 'i dun want to hv close friends. i'd better b alone rather than be sad when they hv to go later'. at first i think it is a fool thought of her. but now, i admit, its quite true. n i dunno how to overcome this feeling later on..it has been inside my thoughts since this year started and it make me insane!!! okai~ not tat bad, but really..it make me feel nothing..like dun wanna do anything at all..=s

one more thing is the fact that i hv to take care of my feeling. je ne veux pas tomber en amour maintenant. je veux encore obtenir mon reve. et je sais, si je tombe en amour, ce peux ruiner mon reve. mais maintenant j'ai l'impression que j'aime lui. ce n'est pas sure et ce vaut mieux pas. je pense que il ne me l'amour dos. je suis juste une meilliur amie pour lui, une amie peut-etre. mais, ce n'est pas le principal point que je veux dire. j'espere, je n'ai pas ce sentiment, jusqu'a je trouve la bonne personne parce-que j'ai ete torture avec ce sentiment...

oh mon Dieu, aidez moi svp..

Happy NEW YEAR 2010!!!

2010-01-15T22:15:00.001-08:00

its been more than a month since my last post..i think i was too busy with my exams then having holidays as well..=p

but anyway..here im now..telling another story again.

h-o-l-i-d-a-y-s

what a word that we always want to hear or see at the calendar. bt for this time holiday..i still have to do my dissertation..(n THAT made me sick!!!) but at least, i still had time to have some fu

n with my friends n my family as well..at least i still had a chance to go to jakarta n pan

gandaran...=)

speaking of going out with friends..a silly thought across my mind juz bcoz wht shann said to me last time during the hols. n actually im quite afraid if i really go to it..coz it seems like it is now..

but if it is really happen, i will be very happy as well..=)

*sigh* anyway, its a new year with some new hopes..n i hope that everything will become better and better for me...=)

some resolutions for this year :

1. get my dissertation done well...

it is a must for me to keep doing it..bt as we all know..there is always a sick called 'lazyness'. i dunno, bt its kinda make me feel scared everytime i heard this word. its just like a taboo word..

bt whtr u like it or not, u still have to go for it

2. get the best place for my internship

this last training for me, i really want a good place, with good people and can give me experiences that i can use in my future. if possible, i dun want it to be in south-east asia again. i know its hard to find one, somemore with all my friends who always keep talking 'later' when we talk about it. bt i will find one somehow.

3. save and make more money

this year im going to france!! finally!! bt it will be very expensive for all the cost there. n i only have around 300euro with me, n dun hv any money left to buy it again. even for my ringgit, i really have to save up money to survive till i finish this sem. i really hv to save up my money n find some work.

4. enjoy till last

wanna have enjoyment all the time. i start thinking that im going to finish my life as a student. will start a working life soon. its sad for me. imagining that i wont b with my friends who r around me now. but i still have to enjoy all the time with them, even until whn we're hard to have some time together again bcoz of our new routine. i really hope that we wont lose contact with each other..=)

i think that's all for now..and actually its not for the whole year..bt for half a year only. bt i hope i can fulfill all..=)

very busy days

2009-11-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

almost my semester exam already...
supposed to have 1 week of study week, but there was still a replacement class for marketing presentation...*sigh*

some more before that is my event project, Miles for Smiles
so from thu nite i really had lil sleep coz hv to set up all the stage for the event on the next day even though im under sponsorship team..=s

the event was not so success tough..the dance was sucks, the gimmick was working before its time, the MC couldnt do his job properly, and the laptop was out of battery during the video presentation some more vy little audiences since it was friday morning~~!!!

but at least we earned lots of profit (ard 7000RM)
right after that still have to do preparation for marketing presentation..=x
was doing it untill around 3am on monday whr the presentation is on 9am...
i thought i can directly go back after presentation, but then still hv to finish the hard copy of the report till ard 2pm..
i didnt hv my lunch and just directly sleep for ard 2 hours..

it was not until then...
wed hv to submit dissertation proposal...*sigh*
i wanted to show it to my tutor first on tue so i rushed the proposal on mon..
the thing is, i was hard to find all the sources for the theories..
n i finished ard 8am in the morning..
i sms-ed nathan to call me so i cn wake up whn he want go to school to show it to our tutor..

it was my first time to do assignment till 8am, luckily i didnt feel sleepy..=p

additional busy thing is parttime..
since i end my parttime thing on wed..i didnt have time to wash my clothes...
so once i washed it, must wash 2 rounds but i used 2 washing machine to make it fast
the result?? no space to hang the clothes n mountains of clothes to be ironed after that...=p

next stage: end of semester exams..[i got pimples already...=s]

negative feelings

2009-11-04T08:56:00.000-08:00

when negative feelings come to you, wht will you do?
to face the fact that you cant get your dream juz because of simple silly reason, wont you get angry?
to accept that reality, wont you feel so irritated?
to know that you are left behind now because you were trying so hard to get you 'unreach' dream last time, wont you feel sad?
to realize that when you cant get that dream is juz leading you to another nightmare, wont you feel heartbroken?
to see that somebody else now is trying so hard to get the dream that you dreamed before juz right in front of your eyes and you know that that person has a very high possibility to get it because he wont have silly reason that prevent him to get the dream, wont you feel jealous??

for me, i DO
but in the end, i was juz angry to myself bcoz i dunno who to blame for
in the end, it was juz tears to come out bcoz i dunno who to talk to and to wreak to
in the end, i juz admit, it is hard to face the reality
juz keep smilin even it is hard to..=)

trip tp langkawi

2009-10-19T02:04:00.000-07:00

sorry i haven't updated you for quite a long time.
hmm...let's start..
having a semester break combine with hari raya holiday gave me a chance to go to langkawi..=)
actually was intended go to perhentian island, but due to din get any bus to go there, we couldnt go..=x
but its okay...at least we still could go to the beach..

langkawi is not that bad..it was very fun too =)
go around the island, see the penguins, riding the longest n highest cable car i ever ride in my life and of course took lots of pictures...XD

luckily, biyan was a trainee for berjaya langkawi resort, so we had a chance to eat at the Phan-Thai restaurant above the sea for our dinner n got discount as well =D [this pic below is me on the bridge to the restaurant - wht a beautiful scenery of the sunset there was]

well, this island is also famous by its free duty things, so~~~ i bought lots of chocolates...xp
althought we din stay in a nice hotel due to we wanted to save our money, we could reli enjoy this hols..bt i want more!!! it wasnt enought for me...=s
haha..maybe next time..at least now i know already about this island...

The Race

2009-10-09T20:02:00.000-07:00

this semester break i joined one of the event held by the 2nd semester seniors called The Race..its similiar with the amazing race, tat's y i joined it..=p
not only the obstacles during the games, but finding the partner for it is also a hard part...since my 1st partner cancelled due to project..luckily i could b partner with ahu, which coincidentally need partner as well since lala as her partner cncell..

so 1st day of elimination day
we have to go around the college and pass all the obstacles, start from 3 legged run, wheel barrow, maze, etc...they will time it all..luckily we could make it =)

2nd day of elimination was kendo...omg..reli dunno how to but juz try..
i was lost to steven by 4-5 [darn!!! i was almost win it!!!] thanks all to ahu tat he always covered my points..so then we were in the 15 finalist with no 4..

in the final..
1st day:
run to pyramid, do skating 3 round, bowling or archery, run to subang to do paintball, then meet at quatro club in front of KLCC making mocktail, batik in jalan inai-behind BB, then go to batu caves n finally to hotel owen..
was in the 15th place whn reached quatro bt could b in the 10th place whn reached the hotel..=)
the hotel was not bad, bt the only thing is, they use glasses door for the bathroom n then closed by a curtain only...so me n ahu...whoever need to use the bathroom, the other must go outside..=p

2nd day:
from hotel must go to taman jaya n do lion dance, then run to bus stop near hilton PJ, use the bus go to collg to do table setting n tea flavour test, run to the park near ridzuan n eat sugarcane then run to bridge near pyramid n use taxi to go to lagoon...
in lagoon, must do scream park, extreme park, n wave bash..

for all the race...i really thx a lot to ahu n oso stevan as the marshal team..to always support n cover me..=) it was a very amazing experience...

a day with my twin sista

2009-09-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

it's been a very long time since we went out together...
all the school stuffs n other activities made us couldnt go out together..
but finally..we can went out together again...[180909]

at first, we had lunch at block A downstair with yellis oso...n it brings us back all the memories when we first come to malaysia..=)
unfortunately, yellis must go back hometown that day so she couldnt go with us..

we went to KLCC...coz Grace wanna buy something for her sis..[FYI: we r not really sister, bt some of our frens thought tat we r twins =p]
so we juz went around KLCC, watch 'the ugly truth' n oso take pix for sure..
unfortunately, it was raining..so we were stuck in klcc, if nt, we wanted to walk till bukit bintang and shopping around that area..
maybe next time..
at least i felt so happy tat i could go together with her again, before she went back hometown n later b busy with her training..

love her much..=)

heart-pain

2009-09-12T02:35:00.001-07:00

Actually, i'm not supposed to write this thing to my blog coz maybe other people might read it. but what to do?? when u have a heart pain because of disappointment and no one of ur friends are online or at home, this is the only way [at least for me] to throw out everything.

sometimes things don't go as u wish. that's why, never ever expect or imagine too high about something that interested you coz once it's not as what you wish, u will fall down and hurt so badly.
sometimes, u get what u didn't expect and sometimes, u don't get what u expected.

i don't want to have a tear. i must b strong n keep smilin...
very funny thought of promise from me actually
how come u don't cry if u feel sad?? hmm...bt at least sometimes i can hold it n not showing it in front of other people..

at least for today, i've hold it quite long...
only for now, let me break that promise..
bt let me smile again tomorrow...=)

[for the last memories wkc]

Blood Donation

2009-08-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

8th of August...the church was having the blood donation campaign. Basically, we just distributed the flier..and it was not as easy as i thought. I was assigned to distribute it in Giant near Mydin, but the security was insist that we cant do it there...so we go to another place and just put the flier on people's cars -at least it works-

on the day itself [160809], i registered on the donation. there were several rules before you register and pass it. for example, must have breakfast before, have sleep at least 5 hours, etc.
luckily i passed it so i could join the donation and my blood would be taken 450mL. it was a lot, but it should be okay..=)

I was a bit afraid and want to cancel the donation after i saw the needle..it was super big and really make me scared. but it would embarrassed me if i really cancel the donation, so i still go for it.

it was almost three-quarter of the blood pack, and suddenly my blood didn't want to run anymore -or it was running super slowly-. so i had to work a bit on my palm, but it was very hard coz my hand was stiff already...but at last, i could make it =)
but then, another problem came. The church service was started already, so i had to go to the church already, but my body is not ready yet after the donation. so when i was doing the worship and standing, i almost collapse n i was looked so pale. lucky nothing happened after i sit for a while =) [thanks God]

But now i have a bit mark on my hand. a mark bcoz of the big needle and some bruises there...it was hurt, bt i know that it will recover soon...=)

FHM 09

2009-08-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

It was the last day for FHM when we went there [fri.14.08.09]. Supposed to be me, ervina, calvine, nathan n johan. But suddenly ervina canceled it =x
But we got new companion to replace her...it was rizky...n it was a trip where i was the only girl there..haha..a bit funny coz actually i never done that before but anyway it was fun!!

So we used johan's car to go there so we didn't have to struggle with other people in KTM or LRT..=) and when we reached there, of course we directly went to the food exhibition instead of the competition hall [and we didn't go there at all in the end coz have to pay RM8 =p].
We tried all the food there and it was like having our breakfast and lunch together -saving money-

what i really like was there was a barista who made me a latte with bunny design -my fav animal- and my name there...=) i was very happy and actually took the video of it. But i didn't post the video because i was too excited looking how he made the latte and forget to see my camera and it was only recording the barista's hand n not the coffee makin =s

<- ice cream that we tried...super nice =)

desserts in FHM ->

[coffees made by the barista]

<- my coffee!!!!

after we go around and have enough of it, we met up with shannon and her cousin who just arrived from germany. they were late coz iris was really just reached malaysia *phew* what a long journey for her. [all of us outside KLCC, taken by johan]

so actually it was a very nice one day trip with the guys and i could eat n take a lots of pics XD

First Week of Degree

2009-08-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

finally i start my degree..the only good thing of it is that i can meet with all my friends again n go to paris [later]. the rest?? really hate it..
it was just a week of introduction bt all the lecturers had given assignment...>.<
and about the grouping...i dun like it..i was in HR4 with G2 advanced french class...n i only know super few people..the rest..i dun knoe...AT ALL!!! *sigh*
during the french class, i wanted to lower my level to intermediate..bt after i submitted the form to program office, i felt so regret, so i took it back n b still in advanced..
bt still..the prob is about HR grouping..now then i just knoe tat all the people i knoe moved from tat group to another group..=x
n i have to find a swapper to change to other group..was very sad back then, bt finally i could find the swapper on the next then..bt thanks to program office...the swapper actually moved to HR4 already without swapping with me when the program office come out with a new group list.

so i think it should b ok...maybe i can learn more in this HR4..oops bt maybe the main reason is bcoz he moved to HR4 as well...
and then~~ suddenly all friends helping me to change group which is make me confuse whtr to move or nt..
at last..i change the group to HR3..at least here i have lots people i know..n i can do my study thing better in this group..
a bit regret actually coz i already know few friends in HR4 n he is there oso..bt..i can still communicate with those friends any time..n about him..it will b better if im nt in the same group with him...coz im sure that i cant study well if we r in the same group..

hope that it is all the best n i can do my degree very well..=)

Hometown Holiday for the Hi=Dip Grad Hols...

2009-08-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

woah..its been quite a long time since the holiday itself ended...i was too lazy to update this blog in hometown back then..=p
this holiday was fun compare with last year long holiday..coz i went out a lot of time n i didnt feel too bored with this holiday..=)

i didnt go out a lot with my brother..bt at least always with my beloved mom..coz that brother was busy with his progress to get a new.."ehem"...yah..gud luck on him..=p
i cut my hair during this hols..coz its so hot in msia..n maybe got another factor which is i was a bit angry to granddad coz he isnt allowed me to go outside asia to do my training..n bcoz of this is oso i canceled my planning about my degree...*ugh*..okay...now i really need to forget that n figure out another plan for my degree's training..

other things i did this hols..hmm...i really enjoyed a lots of food..ampera,the taste, hoka hoka bento,sagoo, honeymoon desserts, lentera cafe,etc [eventhough i need to control it coz i dun want to gain lots of weigh bt what to do..my hometown is famous of food =x] n of course..shopping..
finally i could find a new shoes n clothes..haha..so happy...bandung is really the best for shopping n food...XD...i just hope that i can bring some my malaysian friends come here...=)

one more extra activity for me..i went to Capoelaga...a place where i can enjoy the nature n waterfalls.. It was part of church's family day..we didnt go through all the activities with them...we just took lots of pics..n thanks for my bro..u r really such a good photograper...=)

oya..1 fool thing i did...i forgot to bring back my laptop's charger back to bandung..what a careless of me..so i had to use my bro's laptop..

last graduation hols in malaysia

2009-07-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

almost my time to leave malaysia n hv the rest of this hi-dip grad in hometown...=p
bt suddenly i feel dun wanna go back hometown...maybe bcoz most of my frens come back here dy...=x
so then i really used those left time...go out wif frens ^^

so friday i went to colg juz to take the result of my term6 [n it was the worst result i ever get during my 2 years study in taylors >.< ] i met mitha n leo...quite coincidence though...=p then since lu shen cancel the movie 'ice age 3' on sat, i just said yes whn leo n mitha asked to go pyramid n watch that movie...=p it was super funny movie...haha...XD then sat of course going out again...just afta the practice in subang...=x went out with leo n mitha again to klcc... actually dunno what gonna do there oso...but we juz go...=p and there, we only walk around and chit chatting near the fountain there...what a fool thing but it was nice...keep talking till we forget the time n dinner time already...pour dinner? japonaise bien sur...a sakae sushi...=p

monday, the college start already for the new intake and the new term...so i went to school to see some frens n oso to print the music scores..[juz bcoz still hv some quota there] actually i wanted to go karaoke wif naa, fan, melv, n lu shen...bt they all wanted to watch 'ice age3' which i watched already...(-_-;) yeah...maybe nxt time for the karaoke...=)
bt i still go out with them to pyramid bcoz i still need buy some stuffs...bt in the end...i watched it again wif them...=x...nvm i think, coz it was fun oso to go out 2gtr...n this movie oso a nice movie...so it was worth 4 me=)
[bt i 4got 2 buy breakfast 4 tmrw in flight (-_-;) n take the mango magz 4 mom...=x ]

yeah~ thats the last days of my hi-dip grad hols...it was vy fun...thanks to all of u...=)
we'll see again in the end of this month..=)

Food!!!

2009-07-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

its been a super long time since i took lots of pix of food tat i ate wif frens...
wanted to tell it to frens bt dun hv time...so...
finally...i hv the time now...bt then i will juz mix all the restaurant 2gtr...=p

first is the korean food i ate wif SISF afta d service..i 4gt the name of the restaurant =p bt its also in sunway pyramid, at the asian avenue...
its quite nice bt quite ex oso..=x

next is bubba gump...finally i can eat there..its juz afta watchin nite at d museum 2 wif c epe, imam n kakek...me n c epe took the pckg of RM60 which is consist of starter, main course, dessert n bottomless drink =) it was worth 4 both of us bcoz we chose bbq beef ribs 4 the main course which if we order a la carte will cost us ard 50, was vy full n we juz need to pay 30 per person...=) other than tat, i like salmon n veggie skillet =)
it was a nice place of restaurant. they hv the theme of movie 'forest gump'. there is a unique way to call the waiter. juz put the sign 'run forest run' then they will come to us, bt if we put 'stop forest stop' they wont stop to our table.
they also hv a unique way to celebrate a person's birthday, juz like in TGIF, the birthday person must stand on a chair n dance if they want to get their birthday cake X)

so...now i have a story about wong kok restaurant. actually there is not much about this restaurant other than its nice food n cheap price. but then we came there to celebrate ce-i's b'day, so they have a super big glass of ying-yang tea for the birthday girl...n it was super big =p
it were 5 of us that take tat tea...coz ce-i cant finish it all by herself only...=p
it was an advantage for us as well...so we din need to order any other drinks...since we can just take it frm that big glass =)

then..then...i went to le marche at the curve =)
it was another unique restaurant for me..
when we go inside this restaurant, the host will give us a paper which like our passport, so wverytime we order something, the cook will write down the menu that we order. its like a market ( le marche ~ french), so we go around and choose what we want. they have pasta, pizza, bbq, juice, dessert, wine, veggie, etc. i ordered a pasta n a dessert for sure =)
i really like the idea for this restaurant...bt unfortunately its only at the curve n im too lazy to go there again especially if only by myself =x

come to another restaurant...japanese!!!
me, ce-i n kakek wanted to watch transformer 2 n it started at 10.30pm!!! so we went for a dinner first at sushi zenmai...hmm...i juz order ....[omg, i 4gt again =x]....juz say its sumtin tat consists of many type of sushi...it was nice n worth 4 d price....=)
other than sushi zenmai, i like the ume-bento house in subang...coz its very cheap compare to another japanese restaurant n super full XD

i juz like all those food...
hmm...maybe i shd make about d dessert only~~my fav...X)

Change my blog skin!!

2009-07-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

i was watchin one piece anime again...when suddenly lu shen called me by msn...
he said he change his blog skin...

hmm..then it start tickling my mind to change my blog skin oso...
so...voila..i changed the skin already..

it was quite hard 4 me who juz start doin it..
bt thanks to lu shen...=) by guidin me do this changing..

actually wanna get sumtin nicer than this skin (the sundown), bt maybe nxt time...haha..
its juz a start 4 me...XD

a new start

2009-07-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

today is the 1st day of july 09
it will be my new start...
forgettin all the past..n oso him...i will juz reli make my heart cold...

yeah~~
hopefully i can do it..i hv to..
must remember again all my future goals which im sure tat if i hv bf, it will b an obstacle 4 me..=x
[depend on who oso =p]

so as a new start..i went to red box wif SISF n their other frens as well
was very fun...we had 6 hrs there...n it was nt enuf for me to sing all songs i wanna sing...bt maybe i shd stop..coz i almost lost my voice there oso...=x
bt i reli wanna go sing again!!!! hahahahah...XDD
hopefully later whn school start, me, nen, ervina, nathan n bule cn go 2gtr...as we promised last time b4...=)

so?

2009-06-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

he came to my house ytdy...juz to pass a RO game file coz i DL-ed d wrong one..
i like his attention to me whn he asked me how come i got fever the day b4 n my voice oso was still nt well ytdy...n oso his attention whn he wanted to tidy up my messy hair...
bt he is really nt His son...whn he saw my cross keychain, he said tat its supposed to be upside down n it represents him..
i dunno y he likes sumtin like tat...i dunno his past till he likes sumtin like tat...
*sigh* i guess im really a magnet girl 4 all the not His son guys...all the person tat i like r nt His son..
tats y i hv to make my heart cold till the time He give me d rite person to make it warm...
bt how???

holiday time!!!

2009-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

startin holiday already...
i got very honorable pass for my higher diploma...not so bad..at least i passed it all...=)
when i took all the pic of my frens...i feel so happy...then suddenly i cried...it was fool...bt i was vy happy wif it...

some of my frens r nt continuin their degree...it was so sad..bt hopefully we can still keep in contact each other...=)

so i started my hols now..
bt at home is nobody...n i din knoe tat lili also went to sg wif claire n diana...i dunno wht happen btwn me n her rite now..bt it really make me sad..=x

so i went out wif shannon, b4 she went back medan..it was so nice...at least bcoz of tat i can b closer to nathan n calvine as well...n also other frens..=)

today i went out again wif him...for now we watched drag me to the hell..
so b4 i write the story about our 2nd outing..let me write bout our 1st..

the 1st one we were watching uninvited..
last time suddenly he asked me to go out wif him..i was surprised wif tat...bt i did accept tat..
durin the movie, he was holding my hand coz i was afraid bcoz of the movie..n he was vy nice..i was surprised whn he did tat...bt wait till i write our 2nd outing..

so today we watched drag me to the hell..
it was quite a horror movie i can say...n he bought a couple seat..=)
i din expect tat..n he oso juz wanted to hv nice seat behind i think..
bt whn i was afraid of the movie..he hugged me..>.<
n he did it till the movie end...
there was a part whn i was really screaming n he hugged me even tighter n pull my head towards him...
omg..he was really a gentleman for me..
bt i dunno whether he does tat 2 all his friends or nt...
i dun want to expect much frm him...bt i do really hv a crush on him since our training last year...=x
i hope i can get more closer to him..bt i dun want to get hurt by it...coz he said he dun want to hv any rshp...n he wants to continue his master in europe..n he is nt His son...
oh Dad...help me...

yeah!!

2009-06-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

finally i make it...
after finishing my last oral exam on fri...me n other frends went to sunway college to hv our lunch t here...n hv a great dessert made by daddy...=)
tat's the pic of my dessert...it was green tea cake...super nice...=D
n another nice dessert was the mango mousse with frozen raspberry inside....=)
really feel wanna hv those again....=p

then i went to pyramid to meet sham n itin there...juz an outing 2gtr b4 itin gg back n b4 sham move 4 her uni...=x
in the same time...i killing the time 4 the announcement of the pass students..
gg back to taylors...
lookin at the announcement there...
i was so glad that my number is there...yeah...0707JS85086 was there...=)
just a big thank God 4 that...=)

try to gv a thanks everyday

2009-06-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

after all the things that i've passed this few days..k2 told me just to hv a gv thanks everyday...
every morning try to say a good words b4 i start everything...
n actually it works...=)

what i want now is to pass all my exams...
actually Dad, i want to get congrats or at least more than 15...
bt after all the papers n oral exams..im not sure...
so pls Dad, i just want to pass...
i dun want to let all the ppl that put the hope on me b disappointed..

that's all now..
hope on my next blog will b the happy news blog...=)

i lost my dream

2009-06-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

finally its confirmed that i am not allowed to go to france to continue my degree...

i feel really sad n disappointed n oso angry. i want to scream...
bt now i hv to focus for my finals...
just after that, i will just scream n cry...

i hv nothing other to say...
im really sad n down rite now..

uncertain

2009-06-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

today i hv a call from mom. she said..most probability i wont get my degree in france...
coz she said it is impossible to get the money from uncle..
coz she said, she needs the money oso to buy the house...since we hv to move out already frm the current house..

i said its ok...
bt after i finished the call...i directly cry...
i cant hold it anymore....
i said its ok...bt actually im not ok at all..
i feel very upset...very dissapointed....very angry with all of these...
if God will say not in the end....why since the first time, He allowed me to do this....He opened the way...
if i know it since the first time, i wont make any effort on it...i wont use my money for all the tuition n books...n oso the translation....

bt its not confirmed yet...
hopefully, i still can get the degree there...

shout out!!

2009-06-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

being alone at home is not me at all...
i dun like to be alone at home....
n tat's exactly wht happen to me rite noe...

supposed to do my final report presentation...bt i dunno how to..
keep thinking about my education...the price especially...
i really want it...
keep thinkin about whr is love of my life...who is the one?
i need him in this situation..
i need the support...
i need the presence...
i need the help...

i wanna cry, bt i cant...
i wanna shout it out, but i cant..
all these uncertain things...wht i can do is surrender everythin to Him...the Handler of my life...
just let me be patient...i knoe He will do it in time, everythin wont be late, even though i think that there is no more time..i hv to believe in Him...

a start for my blog

2009-06-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

i made so many blogs already, bt non of them tell about the story inside my heart coz i try not to put it on a blog. but suddenly today, before i sleep, i feel like i wanna do it.

there r always somethings that u cant put and bear inside ur heart forever, rite?
u will always need someone to throw out all the things inside your heart. but whn u cant find anyone, this is the thing i do, write on a blog...[not diary like other ppl do coz i dun wanna lose it =p]

in my 20th year now, all i want is having a good education, better than now. what i have now is good, i can study in malaysia for 2 years already. n im planning to continue in france. i want my dream that i can go to europe country is happened. i want to work there. in the hospitality industry.

but there is always a challenge. money for sure. i cant see my mom works so hard just to pay all my living cost. n somemore my bro wanna go to ausie for his study also. then what should i do?

i ask God about it. i want Him to give me any clue about my plan to go france for my further study. just now i read His word. He says, if u r not sure about ur plan, tat means I m not agree with it.

suddenly it is like lighting struck me. until i have to reread it again.
if it is not His plan, why He help me till this far? why does it seem like He open the way for me?
im not sure whether im not sure with this planning or not, because i only want to stay here just because of my friends here and also there is someone i like. but i dun want tat those things block my way to get what i want. something fool like that, something that actually wont lose by distance.

besides, i dun think that he likes me back. im not close to him. n i only attract to him physically n some of his personality. i hvnt know him so much. bt im sure that he is not the one coz he is not His son. eventhough that i still keep daydreaming about him.

i pray to God to give me the chance to go france for my study, and about my bro n my mom, im sure that He will take care of them.
i pray to Him to give me someone that i always can count on. i dun want to think about any man right now coz i want to concentrate to my study n i hv enough heart pain frm a relationship without love, being left behind n only want to use me. bt still, deep inside, this heart is waiting for her mate....

education, economy, family, n love
these are the things i concern now...n i feel like cryin but i cant.
all the time that i've been passed, already make me strong enough to not to cry for such a little thing like this. bt still, something is stuck inside this heart n i need to throw it out...